Just like an iceberg, what others see on the surface isn't always the full picture. between the stresses of work and the demands of everyday life, it can be easy to fall into a spiral of anxious thoughts and worst-case scenarios.
That's why it's important to strengthen your stress-management skills with techniques like deep breathing, meditation or EFT.
EFT — or the Emotional Freedom Technique — involves tapping the body repetitively to address negative thoughts and calm stress hormones. It's often referred to as "tapping" for short.
The mediation process consists of separate intake appointments followed by a joint session. Once a resolution is reached, the mediator will prepare a draft agreement which can be converted by a lawyer into a legally binding agreement and filed with the court. The fees for family mediation are shared between the parties making the process more affordable.
Mediation is a voluntary, confidential process which is often faster and more amicable than the court process. A mediator cannot provide legal advice but can provide legal information.
Many people use EFT tapping in their daily lives as a self-grounding tool or with an EFT coach to help cope with stressors.
"Tapping addresses the amygdala or the fear center of the brain," says Amanda Stretcher, a licensed therapist at Choosing Therapy.
Tapping while focusing on an unwanted emotion or stressful situation helps send signals of safety to your mind, allowing you to feel safe enough to relax, Stretcher adds. "This also allows for a reduction in cortisol levels, which can help with anxiety."
"According to EFT International, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a method that involves using the fingers to gently tap on the body's acupuncture points along the meridian lines of Chinese medicine. It is often referred to as ‘EFT Tapping’ or simply as ‘Tapping’. The therapeutic effects of this technique are recognized around the world. One can use EFT tapping for many daily stressors/issues.
EFT Tapping helps us tune in to the negative patterns that we form around our uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, or troubling memories. We ‘tap’ on the pressure points while bringing the thoughts or emotions into consciousness. The aim is to find relief, relaxation, and promote healing around the issues that hold us back."
Tapping is a powerful tool that allows us to focus on an emotion/situation and explore the many aspects associated with it. When we look at these stressors it activates our stress response. We gently tap on the energy meridians to calm the body and mind. Using tapping before discussions with your co-parent or before exchanges helps lower the intensity of your emotions and will provide an opportunity to improve co-parenting relationships.
Offering EFT as a way of managing the stressors of co-parenting to reach better outcomes for families is a main goal.
Family mediation is a process in which those involved in family breakdown, whether or not they are a couple or other family members, appoint an impartial third person to assist them to communicate better with one another and reach their own agreed and informed decisions concerning some, or all, of the issues relating to separation, divorce, children, by negotiation.
Co-parenting is one of the best gifts you can give your child. Children benefit when they see their parents getting along. The term “co-parenting” was coined to describe a parenting relationship in which the two parents of a child are not romantically involved, but still assume joint responsibility for the upbringing of their child.
Many aspects of parenting remain the same after a separation. Keeping communication between parents positive, however, will often require greater attention and care. The emotional turmoil of divorce can make children especially vulnerable. If conflict is a major aspect of co-parenting children’s lives can be further complicated. Although separation will change how families work, co-parents can still be a source of stability and comfort for their children as long as they commit to positivity in their shared parenting.
So what is co-parenting? If you’ve recently separated, you may be wondering where you should focus your energy to keep your family’s communication positive and productive. Deciding where to start can be an overwhelming process and sometimes stall parents new to the co-parenting world.
Developing a comprehensive parenting plan will be worth the work you put into it. Take the time to establish boundaries, best practices, and expectations with your co-parent. Doing so will take much of the guesswork out of your co-parenting. Defining exchange procedures, deciding how to handle requests for parenting time modifications, or solidifying what methods of communication you will use are all examples of what a detailed parenting plan should include.
Consistency helps more than just communication between parents. Consistency will also help children adjust to living in two households. If kids have expectations that are reliably met, like being picked up at the same time every day after school or having both parents attend their sports games, they can become confident in their new family structure.
Sticking to your parenting plan ensures that your children don't have to readjust their expectations with every last-minute change.
Mishaps happen in every household. Co-parents are occasionally going to encounter frustrating mix-ups stemming from miscommunication. As long as those mix-ups do not define your co-parenting in general, being flexible about the odd mistake will be essential.
Parents will need to ask favors of each other. Schedules change, appointments are forgotten, and sometimes communication breaks down. Do not let these mistakes become opportunities for your own communication to slide. Instead, be proactive in getting back on track.
These communication rifts are undoubtedly frustrating for adults. But if parents allow those rifts widen, children are the ones who end up suffering the consequences. Find a way to move past your moments of frustration peacefully while taking measures to ensure that you don’t keep running into the same mishaps in the future.
Schedules:
50/50 schedules are joint parenting time schedules that divide the child's time equally between both parents and allow the child to be consistently cared for by both parents.
60/40 schedules give one parent 60% of the time with the child and the other parent 40%. These schedules are used with shared custody because both parents have significant time with the children.
70/30 schedules give one parent 70% of the time with the child and the other parent 30%. These schedules allow a child to have a home base with one parent but still spend time with the other parent.
80/20 schedules are usually sole custody schedules where the child lives with one parent 80% of the time and visits the other parent 20% of the time.
Summer break schedule
A summer break schedule is when you have a different residential schedule during part of the year. Usually, parents adopt a different residential schedule when their child is out of school for summer break or for other longer breaks during the year.
To make this schedule, you come up with a new residential schedule that applies for a certain amount of time. You then decide on the start and end dates for the different schedule and the schedule changes during that time.
Vacations
You can schedule specific dates in your schedule for each parent to take the child on vacation, or you can have unspecified vacations. Unspecified vacations are when each parent is allowed to take the children for so many days during the year when they give notice to the other parent.
Some examples of unspecified vacations are: "each parent may take a vacation with the children up to five days, twice per year" or "each parent may take a vacation with the children up to two weeks".
Holiday and special occasion schedule
The holiday schedule shows where the children spend holidays and special occasions.
The holiday schedule has priority over the residential schedule. This means that if a parent usually has the child for a weekend, but the weekend is a holiday and the other parent is scheduled for that holiday, the parent scheduled for holiday time has the child.
Holiday and special occasion schedule
The holiday schedule shows where the children spend holidays and special occasions.
The holiday schedule has priority over the residential schedule. This means that if a parent usually has the child for a weekend, but the weekend is a holiday and the other parent is scheduled for that holiday, the parent scheduled for holiday time has the child.
Considerations when making your parenting time schedule
Here are some things to consider when making your custody or parenting time schedule:
Parenting guidelines are rules in the parenting plan that both parents agree to follow as they raise the children. You can have guidelines about discipline, food and diet, bedtime routines, tobacco and alcohol use around the children, etc. You can include communication, exchanges or how you will access information about the child's education, health, recreational activities, etc.
Your parenting time schedule must comply with your provincial custody guidelines or the court will not accept it. Your schedule is part of your parenting plan and your plan must describe your schedule in legal terms. Certain types of schedules work better for different children's ages. Your parenting time schedule should fulfill the physical, emotional, and social needs of your child. If you have multiple children, you can have a split custody arrangement where each parent has custody of different children. If one or both parents is in the military, you will want to include provisions in your plan about the schedule. When parents live in different states, one state has jurisdiction over your custody proceedings and you should follow the laws of that state. Parents who live a long distance from each other can set up a schedule with less exchanges to accommodate the travel distance. When you and your child's other parent first separate you can make a temporary schedule until you have a permanent custody arrangement. You can modify your schedule any time if you and the other parent agree to the changes. If you don't agree, you will have to go to court to have the schedule modified. You can include schedule provisions and rules to help your parenting time schedule run more smoothly.
You can also make Long Distance Schedules as well as a Third Party Schedule
Attempting to understand legal jargon? The Divorce and Family Law glossary gives you access to definitions for the Divorce and Family Law legal terminology commonly used in documents and court proceedings.
Putting your children’s needs before anything else may seem like an obvious aspect of co-parenting, but making your own emotions take a back seat is often easier said than done. Tapping can be a great grounding tool. Working as a team to raise happy and healthy children can only be accomplished when co-parents are sincere in their inten
Putting your children’s needs before anything else may seem like an obvious aspect of co-parenting, but making your own emotions take a back seat is often easier said than done. Tapping can be a great grounding tool. Working as a team to raise happy and healthy children can only be accomplished when co-parents are sincere in their intentions and conscious of their motivations. Otherwise, being overwhelmed by frustrations and old resentments can put some serious dents in your co-parenting efforts. You can address these resentments through tapping.
Tapping can help you be honest about your own feelings, and remain aware that your relationship with your co-parent need not define your child’s relationship with their other parent. Unless there are serious health or safety concerns at play, every co-parent should do their best to fortify their child’s relationship with their other par
Tapping can help you be honest about your own feelings, and remain aware that your relationship with your co-parent need not define your child’s relationship with their other parent. Unless there are serious health or safety concerns at play, every co-parent should do their best to fortify their child’s relationship with their other parent. “Too much of a good thing” doesn’t apply to having a parent’s love and support when you’re a kid.
Co-parents do not have to be friends, but respect is essential for the health of any family. Maintaining a base-level of civility in your communication should be non-negotiable. That civility will be crucial for keeping communication productive. Tapping can lower the intensity of your emotions allowing you to have these conversations.
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Co-parents do not have to be friends, but respect is essential for the health of any family. Maintaining a base-level of civility in your communication should be non-negotiable. That civility will be crucial for keeping communication productive. Tapping can lower the intensity of your emotions allowing you to have these conversations.
You may find that the same methods of communication you used before your seperation/divorce do not adequately combat conflict in your co-parenting relationship. If phone calls and text messages no longer work for you, don’t be disappointed. Co-parenting creates a unique set of stresses and more typical methods of communication can sometimes aggravate conflict rather than resolve it.
If you end up using a specialized co-parenting resource/communication tool like OurFamilyWizard, that doesn’t mean you and your co-parent have “failed” at the more typical methods of communication. You are simply taking the necessary steps to better ensure your co-parenting communication remains clear and respectful. Tapping can help prepare you for a difficult conversation or help to regulate your emotions.
